Deviants - The Birds


Below is an excerpt from one of the plays I wrote for Deviants. I was happy with this project, in general, because all of the plays I wrote were very different. Of all of my plays, when I wrote this one I figured that this one would be the lightest, funniest one. However, when it actually was workshopped and directed it turned out very differently from how I intended it in a way that made it much more impactful. I have this explanation here because the play comes off as sounding so ridiculous. This is how I wrote it, but imagine what the play would sound like if it was in a serious tone.


[In a relatively upscale apartment, overlooking an abandoned city. MAX has just returned home, where Brad was waiting for him.]


BRAD I was so worried about you. Where have you been?

MAX Oh, I was stuck at the lab, they needed to isolate some

BRAD Shh. You're here now, you're safe.

MAX No, I don't think we're safe anywhere. I saw Doctor Jenkins, well, it used to be Dr. Jenkins, when I was running back. He was...is...one of themHes a ...BIRD.


MAX Yes, it's true [shows signs of guilt]

[BRAD notices a man, YUPPIE, running outside across the street, looking scared behind him]

BRAD Look! It's a man on the street. [moves toward door] We can/

MAX No, its too late. The Birds!

[A GROUP OF BIRDS enters the street. MAX and BRAD watch from the protection of their balcony. They are all slightly different and very colourful, and have dressed themselves up in buckets, sheets, etc. They squawk and move like birds, and quickly surround the YUPPIE. He keeps crying to help, and tells them to get back, and they start pecking at him. One of the BIRDS carries a duffel bag clumsily, and they surround him so he can't be seen, and we hear him crying out. Suddenly BIRDS draw back to reveal thatthe YUPPIE has been dressed up as a bird. His suit is obviously still visible beneath his bird-stuff, however. There is a moment of silence and anticipation, and then the ex-YUPPIE lets out a quiet squawk. The other BIRDS squawk, and the ex-YUPPIE squawks louder. THEY ALL fly away, squawking.]

MAX That poor man.

BRAD It could have happened to you. Its been happening to everyone for a week now. It's not just here, I hear that these birds, or whatever, have been as far south as Florida. Before the TV cut out, I heard people saying that they had seen them, flying. Actually flying!

MAX I know I know. I know I know. [beat] Brad dear?

BRAD Yes, dearest?

MAX Im afraid/

BRAD Yes, so am I

MAX No, Im afraid that my lab is responsible.

BRAD What?

MAX Yes. We were working on an antidote to a mutant strain of the Avian bird flu virus. H5N1.

BRAD Well, you were.

MAX Let me finish Brad. One of our lab assistants carried out a test on himself without my permission of course and he disappeared from the lunch room slightly after. All sorts of things were missing. The last thing I remember is him asking if we had any more crackers. [starts to sob, slightly] When we came back to the lounge, the window was broken. The lab is three stories up!